Yesterday was a day of dismal weather. Lately we have had days filled with gray skies, cloud cover, wind, more wind – and snow. Yes it is almost the first of May, but this is Central Oregon, and she continues to defy seasonal character, choosing to be mercurial and independent.
I was headed out for an early meeting. As I prepared to leave, I knew I needed to grab a CD and I was specific about my choice, i.e, voice and vibration. I rolled through my list, ” books, bag, tea, sunglasses, extra pen, address for GPS, CD – and I was out the door. Destination bound I traveled down the road as I sipped my mate` and the CD played. East by east the skies deepened into even deeper shades of gray and there it was- snow. On the trees, settled onto the ground, sprinkled upon the windshield, gray gray skies … and I felt myself begin to slip into an emotional malaise which revealed itself through a definitive
Oh, I did not expect this, caught by surprise, it crept in soft as a cat, curled up around my feet, my ankles. I could feel the weight and ensuing emotions. I wanted to turn towards home, grab a blanket, a cup of tea and grumble “call me what this nonsense is done and spring lets her spirit rule”. Oh so pitiful, spring being petulant, moody; it roused my emotions to join. Such a dramatic shift. And it struck me I didn’t want to head into a meeting with grayed emotions and a cloudy countenance fueled by diminished ojas* and auric atrophy. And I would choose this? I felt stirred to say, “wait a minute, is this what I want to bring to this day, acquiescing to vacillating emotions. I have places to go and things to tend, nor the time or energy to indulge any said whims my emotional nature is feeling entitled too”. There are days to tuck in, read a book, drink tea and dream spring, this was not one of them. My attention tuned into the beautiful angelic voice which streamed forth from the speakers; inviting, reminding, whispering in the sound current ~
“Aad Such Jugaad Such Hai Bhee Such Nanak Hosee Bhee Such . . . Lord make me an instrument of Thy peace, where there is hatred let me sow love . . .”
I sat up straight, took a long deep breath, “this is not what I choose” and intentionally began to bring my energy up Up UP. Inhale, exhale, I gathered what had settled around my feet and ankles. Inhale, exhale, expanded and connected with my navel point, vibrating the solar plexus and shifting my energy. Stabilized, energized, elevated – inhale, exhale; Ground, shift. And there I was, smiling and seeing how beautiful the last snows of the season looked upon the land. How clean and crisp the air is as the snow sweeps the sky with the delicate lace of icy fingers. I looked upon the transition of season as tulips, daffodils, hyacinths . . . and snow settled upon bursts of color. Life travails in birthing and so it seems does spring in the high desert. She moves slowly yet steadily, releasing winters nature.
Gone were the depleting limiting emotions clamoring for time and attention. Present was choice. Seems a simple thing and in awareness it is, but without it I ran the risk of giving away the beauty, power and intention of the day. And what a loss it would have been. I followed the subtle voice and grabbed a CD, an awareness of choice exercised. In the moment of “drop” I clearly heard a true and clear note, illuminating a path away from derailing emotions. There is certainly a place for emotion, bringing richness and awareness in it own right, but when unbalancing emotions threaten to get the best of me I am thankful for having powerful tools available to shift and balance myself so I am better served. If I am better served, then I can better serve. And that is the name of no game, but the powerful choice of mastery ~ and as my friend Tarn Kaur says ~ God is good.
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
St. Francis of Assisi – 13th century
*Ojas – A Sanskrit word meaning “vigor”. Ojas is both the gateway and the container. It is the gateway between consciousness and physiology, between spiritual and material.