The Dance Of The Introverted Adventurer

I am considering the allowing of a shift I would like to see in my life, not to have it change entirely, yet just open it up a bit and allow more room to be…a tad less shy and introverted.

It is a quiet world in here and I am comfortable in the simplicity of its movement. Solitude has abundantly fostered healing, focus and awareness. It has weeded out the unnecessary clutter, noise, stress and distractions. I am thankful for this innate nature and the gifts, which in conjunction with discipline, continue to nurture me. Yes Grasshopper my Zen space is within.

So now with all this said, what would it be like to allow myself all the gifts and benefits of introversion and solitude AND choose to stretch myself into the world, to be “out” there a bit more. Ooohh, it is a scary thought. As extroversion is a comfort zone for some, introversion is a comfort zone for me. To consider the possibility of stretching just a tad produces the most uncomfortable of sensations. My first response is to hide quickly…run, run, run for cover as just peeking out from behind the nature is quite unnerving.

Still, natural responses aside, where do I start? Every consideration stretches. To find a “comfortable” place to begin does not seem possible. So, I am left with shopping for the least uncomfortable place to start….and where would that be? A neighbor maybe, a group of mutual interests (gulp… the word “group” immediately makes me queasy.) or just a simple smile into the faces of those I pass in everyday life. How do I find the way to test the waters (a truly introverted phrase) or just jump right in (a truly extroverted phrase)?

And why am I considering any of this if the mere thought causes my body to tighten, my stomach to grip and a veil to drop down over me? Maybe it’s because I seek adventure. Some people scale mountains or jump from planes – this is my equivalent; I contemplate whether to have someone I haven’t seen in years meet me for tea or join me on a walk. Simple and uncontrived, yet I might as well be discussing swimming with alligators….could I, would I, should I….the sheer fear, the trepidation and always the thought I will need to draw back into my comfort zone.

This all brings me back to desire the experience of the unknown. The inner path is my domain. The outer path is the unknown dimension. Yet the inside and the outside are the same and I want to experience this fully. There is rare a place within which I have not explored and I desire to feel the outside adventures beneath my feet and stretch a new yoga under the sun. If I allow my innate nature to be the ‘master of my domain’ then where will I experience my mastery? I will find myself continually answering to the id as it continues to serve an obsolete way of being. To be ruled by fate is no adventure. It is the eternal recycling bin; same karma, different container.

This may not appear to be a grand adventure or step into mastery, but what are those made of then? If the path to self-mastery is not a grand adventure in disciplining the convoluted nature which binds us to ourselves and our experiences; if the stretch to release the constraints of complacency is not within my capacity then why am I on this path? Self-initiation need not be contrived or constructed. It is the awareness of the discipline, the movement of the stretch, the focus of being, the call and answer of the cosmos being about its purpose of evolution; Infinite Divinity.

In observing my nature I have found enough challenges to map out all the adventures needed in my lifetime. As I continue to serve in union with the Divine I can trust that which needs to be tended to will be. The first step of any initiation is to trust the process; if not there will most certainly be many adventures to come along reminding me to do so. Nothing is lost, nothing goes to waste. Everything works towards good for those who love the Lord.

 

Sadh Bakshish Kaur

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6 thoughts on “The Dance Of The Introverted Adventurer

  1. Yes…as does a philosophy group, which is where I chose to start. Oohhh, the first one was so uncomfortable, I could barely feel comfortable in my own skin. But it brought up good stuff for me to work on and I came out of it with a greater awareness of my fears and insecurities as well as a more comprehensive awareness of my nature and personality. It was a hard task for me but it has reaped great rewards, including the decision to create this blog. So there ya go.

  2. Sat Nam. I could really relate to what you are going through as I had to do the reverse. I had always seen my identity as being a social being, gregarious and outgoing, but when I started to write I found out how uncomfortable I was with the inner quiet and solitude was very tough. Now, after five years I feel I understand when I need one or the other to be healthy in body, mind and spirit. Your struggle also made me think of Charles Bukowski’s poem, “if i had failed to make the struggle.”

    if I had failed to make the struggle

    there would be no peace, no solace, no
    wisdom.
    night would follow night
    like a string of ants
    come to carry you
    off.
    in a world cluttered with the falsely
    famous
    there would be no
    escape.
    you would face a hard impossibility while
    chewing on your toast
    or cleaning your
    teeth
    or waiting for the
    result
    of a photo finish
    or a cancer
    checkup.

    there would be no voice to
    listen to,
    no acceptable
    god.
    even the laughter you once
    enjoyed, they would have
    stripped even that from
    you
    and left you
    to be worn down
    finally
    like water upon
    stone.

    in the beginning youth
    fought them
    off;
    middle age was there to contemplate the
    wounds;
    and now
    maturity
    is here to record
    a simple
    victory.

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