Eat, Pray, Love

“…if you sit down with the pure intention to meditate, whatever happens next is none of your business. So why are you judging your experience?”

 

“Just as there exists in writing a literal truth and a poetic truth, there also exists in a human being a literal anatomy and a poetic anatomy. One you can see; one you cannot.  One is made of bones, teeth and flesh; the other is made of energy and memory and faith. But they are both equally true.”

 

“…the rules of transcendence insist that you will not advance even one inch closer to divinity as long as you cling to even one last seductive thread of blame. As smoking is to the lungs, so is resentment to the soul; even one puff of it is bad for you…”

 

Excerpts from the book: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 

may my heart always be open to little… (19)

By e.e. cummings

may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old

may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it’s sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young

and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there’s never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile

Andrew Joseph Matus (1906 ~ 2008)

Sat Nam Everyone,

I have been gone from my blog for a bit as I have been busy with treatments, commitments and unexpected travel.

This past week we tended to the passing of my grandfather, Andy Matus. He was 101 yrs, 8 months and 25 days old. He obviously lived a very long and full life. Papa was born May 5, 1906 in Mc Keesport, Pennsylvania. He was of Austrian origin, whose parents had recently come over from the “old country”. Papa married Nana, Clotilda Laura Costa, known as “Tillie” in his twenties and they had five children, 4 daughters and 1 son, all raised between Hollister, San Juan Baptista and Watsonville/Santa Cruz, California. I am the oldest child of his second daughter, Patty.
Papa drove heavy equipment for a construction company and was an avid gardener. He was often to be found outside tending to his garden and home. He had a rich sound to his voice whether talking or singing and it is what sits in my heart the most about him. Papa was a devout Catholic, an ardent prayer of the Rosary, and in utter devotion to the Virgin Mary. While growing up there were three things to understand about him… never discuss religion, politics or the union. Papa was intensely passionate about all of them and even as a child I was quite aware to do so was treading on less than shaky ground.

In the last day before he passed, he told my mother and I, he had seen Nana, his parents and angels, as they were coming nearer, but he had not seen Jesus yet. He said he was waiting to see Jesus. At 6:08 a.m. January 25, 2008 his spirit released. May he continue his journey upon his soul path and be seen again in the twinkling eyes and bright smile of a child.

*Above Picture: My grandfather, Andy Matus and my mother and father, Dean and Patty Larkin.

Oceana ~ Sperm and Ova

2008 ~ New Beginnings

For the past 7 or 8 years I have spent New Years morning in group sadhana at the Tumalo Yoga Center. Rising at 3:15 to arrive at sadhana for Japji by 4:00. The deep predawn hours of the amrit vela, quiet and unassuming in the freshness of the new year. This year I choose to stay home and do sadhana, sitting before the altar with candles lit in prayer and chanting. It was very quiet. Very simple…and sometimes it is time to do something different, to change our flow or pattern and create new ways. New year, new ways, new beginnings. It seems to be the theme. No one to encourage me out of the warmth of my bed but myself, to sit, just to sit and commit. There is a grandness and life to group energy, yet there is also a loveliness and sacredness in the solo ventures which is honest, pure and true. 2008; new beginnings, new ways. While we left old patterns, belief systems, habits and limitations behind in 2007, now we open to the new. All the hard work of recognizing and releasing in 2007 is behind us and we can step into the new freshness and opportunities which have come from this awareness. So much vibrancy and support is available for where we put our thoughts, focus and ventures. New ideas of how to move through what once would have stymied are present and potent. I want to be aware of where I am at and truly tend to what is calling my attention. What have I been putting on the back burner while I attend to other more pressing needs in this past year? Where do I feel fresh vibrancy in what once felt stuck and rigid? What feels fertile and mysterious? What resounds with the sounds of synchronicity? What cycles are presenting themselves in the Wheel of Change? In the sitting of sadhana what do I find? In the rhythm of Japji what flows in my consciousness? So onward and forward. I have work to do and effort to exercise and being in the nothingness to attend to. I am curious to see what my experience will be amidst the changes in the days of living. Happy New Year everyone. Good fortune to us all in this year. May we bless and be blessed.    

Breaks…Magic & Miracles

I have received complaints and inquiries into why I have not posted anything new for a bit. Every once in awhile a break from blogging is in order. Life gets busy, things shift, nothing new to say… Bogging is commentary after all, and sometimes … there are no comments to be made, thoughts to be shared, pictures to post, poetry to pronounce or art to display. And it is nice to let it be…and right now when I view my blog I see the beauty of Frida Kahlo’s expression and hear the strains of Leonard Cohen raspy earthy voice in his written words and it pleases me…with that being said…

∞ Miracles and Magic ∞

In the midst of the holidays, between Christmas, Hanukkah and Winter Solstice there is a co-mingling of traditions. They sit individually, yet converge and merge during this calender time. Simple, simple simple is how I tend to myself, my home and my interaction with all this abundance of cohesive and conflicting energies. A pot of kitcheree on the stove, candles burning, chant music soft and purposeful, cookies baking, lights twinkling… flow, breath, open, allow, yes to this, no to that, let’s see to another… I experience it as currents and like birds, ride the currents which will provide the desired result…

And in the flow I find the magic. Is there not an abundance of magic and miracles this time of year? You see, I love that. So much, so much, and it calls to my child-self with delight. This provides a balance amidst the potentials of derailment as obligations, emotions, commerce and chaos also cluster in and around this time as well. My senses and emotional body can quickly become overstimulated and inundated creating confusion. So I slow it all down and sit at my magic hearth and stir my miraculous pot, bake cookies sprinkled with Christmas sugar, burn candles to gather the Solstice night and light the sacred oil of Hanukkahs past; rippling and radiating out and through in an overflowing river of rebirth, renewal and return.

Frida Kahlo

The Love Embrace of the Universe, the Earth…

Self Portrait with Thorn Necklace and Hummingbird

Moses Nucleus of Creation

If It Be Your Will

If it be your will
That I speak no more
And my voice be still
As it was before
I will speak no more
I shall abide until
I am spoken for
If it be your will

If it be your will
That there is a voice be true
From this broken hill
I will sing to you
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing
From this broken hill
All your praises they shall ring
If it be your will
To let me sing

If it be your will
If there is a choice
Let the rivers fill
Let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill
On all these burning hearts in hell
If it be your will
To make us well

And draw us near
And bind us tight
All your children here
In their rags of light
In our rags of light
All dressed to kill
And end this night
If it be your will

If it be your will.

 

Leonard Cohen 

“Dance Me To The End Of Love”

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic til I’m gathered safely in
Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the wedding now, dance me on and on
Dance me very tenderly and dance me very long
Were both of us beneath our love, were both of us above
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to the children who are asking to be born
Dance me through the curtains that our kisses have outworn
Raise a tent of shelter now, though every thread is torn
Dance me to the end of love

Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
Dance me through the panic till I’m gathered safely in
Touch me with your naked hand or touch me with your glove
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love
Dance me to the end of love

Leonard Cohen

Lovin’ Halloween

I love Halloween…it is  sheer delight. As a child my Aunt Bev threw the best Halloween parties, including scavenger hunts and ghostly spooky delights. We trekked the neighborhoods with pillowcases in hand and a list of all the things we must gather before the stroke of midnight and the “witching hour”. We feasted on her homemade popcorn balls, cinnamon candied apples, apple fritters and donuts. We bobbed for apples until we were drenched and squealed with giggles waiting to see who would find the apple with the worm. Over the years I have been a ghost, a princess, little Orphan Annie, various types of witches, a gypsy, an old woman, a fortune teller, a wood nymph, a ballerina…and the list goes on. This year both of my adult daughters are cats. One will be masquerading in Rome, Italy and the other in Eugene. My oldest son is Pan, complete with horns and wool chaps. I am heading into my closet and cupboards to find something to celebrate the thinning between the worlds, when the veil is a mist and all which has come before and all which will come after appear side by side…and await the witching hour; the delight of magic and the brewing of mystery.